Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
