I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
