So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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