how can u be prego again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
