Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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