how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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