He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love having hate sex.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
