Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
