He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
