Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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