During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
