She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
