I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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