how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
