I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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