I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
