Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
God I need to hump something, right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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