when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.