Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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