My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
