that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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