I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
