I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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