What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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