I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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