New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
