1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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