You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Acid is not a monday night drug
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
