saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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