I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
