I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my liver is dry heaving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
