So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well you can't waste a boner
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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