I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
