How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
