Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
