It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
