the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
