I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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