If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love accidental penises.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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