Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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