thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
