Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
