She's JV to your varsity
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
