My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
