i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
