bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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