textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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