Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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