Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
