I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
