I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
