Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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