Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
