I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
