Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
