the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
