i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
