im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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