im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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