hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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