coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
