u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
