My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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